there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize