man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
