there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
