I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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