I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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