we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I died a long time ago.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
