I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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