I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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