how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
