Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
