we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
