I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
