the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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