he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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