Are we in a gay sports bar?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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