Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
