but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
