well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
