you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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