He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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