so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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