No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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