Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
