your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
