so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
