she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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