I faked an abortion last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone came in the potted fern
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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