Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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