I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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