I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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