she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
