You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
