the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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