I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
being pregnant is like rehab
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
