Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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