The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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