If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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