they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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