I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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