i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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