Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
