the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
