i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
