I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
