on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
