this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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