I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
