ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
