You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
