first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
