I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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