People in love make me want to vomit
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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