He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
