Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
