if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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