so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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