At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
