Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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