Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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