I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
