i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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