I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
