Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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