mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
