I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
