rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize