One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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