In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
where are you?
Hypothermia
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
