Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
