Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's Friday. Sex?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
