I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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