she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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