Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
