just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
