Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
