$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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