Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
