it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
