bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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